Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
