Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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