So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize