dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
