Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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