she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize