hotel room ftw
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
