I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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