i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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