He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
