when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
