When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
