dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
