My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
