Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize