He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
