Screwed.edu
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
