My room smells like vodka and shame
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
