He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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