Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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