I'm sorry my penis didn't work
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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