dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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