I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
