the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize