...so i touched it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
