dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
