My first STD was from a foam party
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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