drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
