At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found the puke drawer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
