She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
