there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize