Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
