I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
