I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think i got beer on your cat.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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