I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
