On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
