What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
