my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
