At least make sure they are 18
Why
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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