I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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