I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
