nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize