Jerry, you need to find god
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
