Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Screwed.edu
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
