My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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