I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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