I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Congratulations! We have a period
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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