matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
