idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
