they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
