I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
