Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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