i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Say something about gay babies.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
