i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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