Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
