That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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