smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
