yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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