so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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