I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
