idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
