Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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