they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will be naked everywhere
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
